I am so sad to read of your circumstances at the moment. Like you, we have been told by my Mum in laws CH that they are putting palliative/end-of-life care in place for Mil, and there is no doubt that she has deteriorated massively over the last few weeks. And like you, we have no idea how long this stage will last for. Mil has had a long, horrible and complicated journey with this foul illness, and to be honest all we are hoping for now is a calm and peaceful end for her. Two days ago, we visited and found her refusing all but a small amount of food and drink, horribly agitated for some of the time and hitting out at staff and us with a strength that is unbelievable given how frail she now is. She was mostly unable to speak coherently (though the swear words are still extremely clear) . But in between all that, there were periods where she smiled and was affectionate. Yesterday we found her calmer, but frailer, with lips cracked and sore and refusing food again at first. However, having applied a copious amount of vaseline to her lips (and making sure that staff have now agreed to see that is done several times a day), which made her more comfortable, she eagerly drank down two glasses of pop, perked up, smiled, laughed, even said some clear sentences - and then ate a bowl of soup and a small trifle. She is mostly now non-complint with her medication for her angina, COPD and dabetes, so isn't having them a lot of the time. Her breathing is definitely deteriorating. She has days where she eats, but then is dreadfully sick and is now being given regular injections to ease the nausea - that isn't about 'making her well', again, its all about minimising her distress and making her comfortable. There is no sign of any infection. On her bad days, staff talk in terms of days or even hours. On the good days, it changes to 'maybe a few weeks'. Some days, she is so damn fiesty that I think 'She isn't going anywhere'. There are to be no hospital admissions, because the distress it will cause her outweighs the minimal benefit and because we all know its time to let nature take its course. She has a pain relief patch, but there is talk of replacing that with morphine, as there are often signs that she is in pain. A DNR is in place. And basically, we are just waiting, like you and your Mum, with absolutely no idea of when or how long.
Its a horrible heartbreaking situation, a rollercoaster and (as @canary has said elsewhere) 'limboland' for us all. Sending you and your Mum much love and support, and hoping for all to be calm and peaceful, however long it takes xxxx
