What a decision!!!!
I am in a slightly similar situation at the moment as my Mum has told me in the last few days that she no longer wants to see me, no longer wishes for me to visit etc. etc. etc., and has said all sorts of hurtful things.
This time I think she means it and it is so bizarre that of all the things she can forget, she doesn't seem to forget her rage for me 
.
Should you visit ? - I don't know, I am having that dilemma myself and I haven't worked out the answer yet!
I think you will need to be a VERY strong person if you do and a VERY strong person if you don't.
If you visit and she is awful to you, it is you who has to deal with the emotional turmoil of that, and although everyone will tell you it is not her and that it is the illness, it is unfortunately still very, very hard to deal with that kind of undeserved abuse from your own Mum, and of course it will upset and agitate her, and will clearly serve no purpose other than to appease yourself that you have visited.
My Mum is refusing to come to our house for Christmas Dinner this year. I am clearly not a person she wants to be in the company of. This I just cannot get my head around. But as my husband put it - think of a person you really don't like (be it a rational dislike for that person or not in the case of a dementia sufferer) and ask yourself would you want to spend Christmas day with them
On the other hand should you not go and see her, could you live with that for the rest of your life.
It is perhaps a good idea that your brother is going to 'test the water' but as every day or even every minute is different with a Dementia sufferer, it might not necessarily be a good indicator of her acceptance of you at the time you actually go to see her.
I am sorry to say this but will she even recognise you for who you are ? - Unfortunately for the last few months my Mum has thought I am her sister and unfortunately a sister that she has never liked .
Damned if you do and damned if you don't springs to mind.
I am thinking of you, it is an awful decision to have to make and either way is going to cause you lots of heartache.
XXXX
